So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
