I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
