i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
