So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
