Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think your dad took our porno
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
