I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
