i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
