Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
