I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
someone owes me an orgasm
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
