he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
