i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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