So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
