the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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