Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
