I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
