i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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