you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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