I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
