well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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