I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
