So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
