I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize