Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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