i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize