I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
