Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize