is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
