I hate all girls vehemently.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
