Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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