If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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