wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize