So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
