She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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