Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Boobs are out for the taking
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize