My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
