Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
