i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
