once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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