Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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