..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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