You made me cry and you don't even care
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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