I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
