garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Umm I'm too high to move.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
