I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
