I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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