Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
