White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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