who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
