So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
