Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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