Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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