Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
