I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
