my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
