Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
