I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
