This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
