If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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