i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
