dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
