I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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