i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
