going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
