Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
