Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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