how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
