but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
