What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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