theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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