i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
