she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
