i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A+ Viking dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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