Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
