So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We need to get me chipped asap
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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