Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
