i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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