The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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