You surviving the open bar?
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My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
