let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
