The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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