Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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