even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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