yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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