I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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