When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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