I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
