yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
