i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
