that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
