??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
