1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
